Social Media is Not Always Very Social

In the past week, I have been yelled at by not one, not two, but THREE different people on Goodreads who claim that I have spoiled a book for them, a claim with which I vehemently disagree. Never mind that none of them have actually read the book yet. Evidently, it's perfectly acceptable to do this, what with the whole Internet thing between you and the person you're attacking. I tried responding with logic to the first two, and I'm proud to say I was not nearly as snarky as I was feeling. Yet, still, I got a third comment saying the same thing. If you'd like to see this for yourself, check it out here  
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20604350-not-my-father-s-son?from_search=true

But the whole thing has me thinking about the use of social media in general and how the ability essentially to remain anonymous is eroding our social skills (ironic, isn't it?). I have a Facebook account, but I haven't used it in years. Oh, I didn't stop because I was concerned for privacy or had anybody misbehaving on my wall. I just thought it was a huge time sucker, and I spend plenty of time on the Internet as it is. Even now, I only occasional reconsider my choice, and then just as a means to see pictures that friends have posted. I do have a second, made-up account in the name of one of my former cats that I use on the very odd occasion to get a coupon or something similar. I do have a Twitter account, but it for work more than anything (at least, that's what I tell myself). I use it to keep up with authors and publishers, and I may or may not have posted a couple of cat pictures there. Oh, and I guess I have to fess up to having a YouTube account. The cats need their screen time.

Otherwise, I stay away from social media. That thing about it taking too much time still holds true. But, really, who needs to know all that? I don't need to know that you're on your way to the grocery store. Or that you're about to sit down to dinner (accompanied, naturally, by a picture of your plate). Or that you got 75% on a quiz about world capitals. My brain only holds so much information. I'd rather talk to friends and family in person, asking how they're doing and, you know, having a conversation. Notice that I said friends and family. When did it become a game to see how many "friends" you could have online? Don't get me wrong. I love getting tweets from my favorite authors and learning more about them. But I'm not foolish enough to think they're following me and my tweets. We're strangers. And it would never occur to me to respond to any of their tweets or posts with some kind of rude or negative comment (I might think it--I'm no saint--but I'd never post it in public).

Yet people are doing this all the time. At the risk of being a bit stereotypical, it seems to be mostly younger people. There's been a shift in what kind of dirty laundry is acceptable to air in public. There are large numbers of people who have grown up laying it all out, mostly on the Internet, and they don't seem to have the same sense of privacy or decorum that used to be so common. It doesn't seem odd to make comments, even mean or intimidating ones, to people they don't even know. After all, they're safely on the other side of a phone or computer somewhere else entirely. This does seem strange to me, in part, because it's not the way I grew up, and it's not the way most of the people I know would talk to other people, online or anywhere else. 

But there's another element of this that bothers me but doesn't seem to bother the people who do it. Once something's out on the Internet, it's out there for good. It can't be unsaid, and it won't be forgotten. It can't be torn up, burned, or hidden away in a closet. And it will be there when you apply for school or a job, when that cute guy goes to Google you before asking you out, and when your kids start searching your name to see what comes up. Yes, sites are taken down and postings and pictures are deleted, but we all know they're never totally gone. Perhaps it's the worse kind of computer virus, the kind that lays dormant but could come back to make you ill at any time. I don't understand why that doesn't make people think harder before they write some of the things they do. 

A couple of years ago, an article in the Wall Street Journal asked this question, and posed some interesting theories. One was that we become more aggressive when we don't have to see the person's response face-to-face. Others spoke to lowered self-control and an enhanced sense of self-esteem on the part of social media users, interestingly, especially in those with close network ties. We have a tendency to build up our profiles a little beyond the truth and so take measures to protect that. Maybe it's not just people we don't know. We're even more likely to display poor behavior to people we know if we're doing it from a screen. 

My story is fairly innocuous, just people complaining because they thought I'd given a way something about a book in my online review that you weren't supposed to know until you had been reading it for a while (for the record, that's I didn't. I'm just saying.). But some of the stories out there are horrific. A waitress in Ohio posted to Facebook about her dissatisfaction with the tips she received at her job (and evidently added a few choice names for these patrons). She found herself fired. Another waitress lost her job when she posted a receipt with a note from the customer, a pastor, saying that she gives God 10%, so why should she tip 18%? When did it get to be okay to call people out like this in a public forum? I'm not commenting on whether or not the wait staff should have been tipped (that note was unnecessary), but who goes and makes it worse by embarrassing them in front of an entire social media community? A 14-year old girl was found hanged in her bedroom after receiving hate messages on her ask.fm page where they told her to cut herself, drink bleach, and kill herself. This is not schoolyard bullying but an attack of the worst kind with unthinkable consequences. A student artist in Maryland keeps a Tumblr page where she likes to post pictures of her work and a lot of selfies. But she's received hundreds of cruel comments including things like "You're honestly one of the ugliest people I've seen in my whole entire life." Luckily, she was smart and talented enough to turn it into a whole new Tumbler post called Anonymous in which she's using the hate messages as an art project. It absolutely boggles my mind that people think it's okay to do these things to other people. And what's really scary is that this may eventually become the norm to the point where there are no consequences for these actions.

I was talking to a colleague about the comments I received on Goodreads, and she noted that as awful as it is, the attitude that it's okay to make these kind of comments prevails, and I'd better get a thicker skin if I'm to continue using it. She's right, of course. It may not be fair, or good, or appropriate, but it's the way it is, and if you're going to participate in social media, you'd better get used to it.

Who knew it could be so dangerous to recommend a good book?

Joey

I titled this entry just "Joey" because the story I want to share is the story of a real little boy, one with a name, with friends, and with a chance, if someone will give it to him. This is not really my story to tell, so I'm just going to explain why I'm asking you to read the story directly from Joey's mom and hope you let her tell you the story.For a few months now, a friend has been introducing me to Joey through her boys' friendship with him--how complicated insurance is, how generous people have been with donating to Joey's medical expenses, how much Joey loved his birthday party (which I helped cut out Minecraft shapes for, just so you know) even though he was incredibly tired that day. In many ways, Joey is like most fourth grade boys, loving origami, Boy Scouts, and reading. But last year, Joey was diagnosed with cancer, and he needs access to a new line of drugs that are about the only thing left that might make a difference.

Below is an email from my friend with links to the blog his mom keeps and the petition requesting that one of the drug companies allow compassionate use of these drugs. I'd be so grateful if you'd take a moment to read his story and consider adding your name to those asking these companies to show that they can be human as well.

Today a friend started a petition on change.org to try to pressure the drug companies to allow Joey to at least try the new medication that shows so much promise.  Please sign the petition and forward it on to others. The more public support we get, the more pressure is put on the drug companies.  

More information about Joey and his journey is available at teamjoeyx.blogspot.com or https://www.facebook.com/teamjoeyxu

Here is the link to the petition: http://www.change.org/petitions/genentech-please-grant-10-year-old-juntao-joey-xu-compassionate-use-of-your-anti-pd-1-l1-immunotherapy-drug-he-has-exhausted-all-other-options-and-cannot-wait-for-pediatric-trials-to-begin?recruiter=89789658&utm_campaign=signature_receipt&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_petition#supporters
 
And if you know someone who might be interested in Joey's story or want to add their name to the petition, please feel free to forward them the information!

Keeping Up with the Joneses

This morning (just to be clear, morning on a Sunday refers to noon to 2pm), I finally got to catch up on some book reviews I've been wanting to write. My need to do them justice means I've put it off longer than I should (kind of like my blog entries), which means I've probably forgotten the best thoughts I had while reading them, which means everyone else I know has already reviewed the same books, probably better, and tweeted them far and wide, which means...well, you get the picture.

My name is Tracy, and I'm a book addict. I love talking with other people about what we're reading, and I love sharing my thoughts about what I've read with other people. Is that the same thing? In any case, I'm extremely lucky to be have a number of outlets for my addiction. As a librarian, many of my co-workers share this fondness for books, if not always to the obsessive level at which I find myself. I've had opportunities for getting to know publisher representatives at conferences, and I try to repay their kindnesses by sending along my thoughts about the many advance copies of upcoming books they send me. I have an account at Edelweiss, which the uninitiated might think is a Sound of Music Fan Club, but no, is actually an online community of publishers, booksellers, and librarians offering purchasing opportunities for booksellers and digital advance copies for book pushers (I told you it was an addiction). Recent improvements have made it a fantastic spot for sharing reviews with colleagues and publishers, and most recently, for voting for favorite books among librarians nation-wide in, to be shared with patrons via the new LibraryReads program, who love to know what librarians are reading (as well they should). Similarly, while I continue to refuse to get back on Facebook, I haunt Goodreads, which allows me to see what the general public is reading and enjoying as well as friends and family. I finally gave in and got a Twitter account, which is quite busy considering I use it only for keeping up with book, author, publisher, and library-related news. I've said it once, and I'll say it again...authors are my rock stars. And I try to participate in GalleyChat, a monthly chat about the advances my fellow librarians are reading sponsored by the fabulous Earlyword. 

And, you know, it's starting to feel a little like I'm that kid in school who can't manage to keep up with the rest of the class. Or that person in the neighborhood who has the smallest house and not nearly as many bells and whistles as the people next door. Don't get me wrong. I adore being part of all of these stomping grounds. But I'm amazed at how far ahead everyone else seems to be! They're putting out multiple reviews a month and seem to have read everything out there before it's ever published. I do read a few advances a month, but there's plenty out there I haven't read even AFTER it's been published, so I'd like to pull one of those out once in a while as well. And while there's a time and place for every type of book, my taste generally seems to run to less literary books than some of the people on these sites, so even when I've read several advances in time for a GalleyChat or a LibraryReads voting deadline, they're not necessarily the books everyone's talking about. I don't know how these folks manage to read everything they do as far ahead as they do!

So, I keep working at it. I'm nothing if not stubborn. I threw myself into it this morning and wrote several reviews of books that I really feel strongly about and want to share, maybe convincing someone to try one who wouldn't have otherwise. This is why I wanted to be a librarian from the start. It takes time to then post your review to all these places and hit all the people who might be interested, but it can be worth it. Last week, a friend submitted a 4 of 5 rating for a book I'd suggested to her, but which I'm not sure would have come across her radar otherwise. After I posted my reviews to what felt like a million places this morning, the author of one of them squealed "thank you!" back at me. Last time I commented on GalleyChat, the publisher retweated it to its thousands of followers. And I persevere. I may eventually be persevering via fewer venues, but I persist nonetheless.

But at the same time, I'm not going to lose the love I have for books by trying to keep up with all those people out there who seem to be ahead of me in their zeal for commenting on new books ahead of publication. Three of the four books I reviewed this morning have already published. One was published several months ago, but I decided to share my fondness for it anyway. I mostly only review books that I want to recommend, and I'm going to do so whether the book is new or not. If I can fit in some of those same advances everyone else is tweeting about, great. I have an unofficial 50 page rule, the general spirit being that life's too short and there are too many good books out there to keep reading something I'm not enjoying, advance publicity or not. I also really like listening to audio books, which generally don't come out in an advance form ahead of the print release, so if that means everyone's talking about it before I get there, well, then I'll have something to look forward to.

And now I must go get ready for my library's upcoming Book Buzz, at which we'll have not one, not two, but THREE major publisher representatives live and in person to tell us what's going to be hot this Spring and Summer. I'm a lucky girl.
 

It's Better to Be Kind Than to Be Right

While I first read this phrase as the life philosophy of Pat Peoples, protagonist of one of the most perfect novels of our times, The Silver Linings Playbook, it turns out, someone said it long before Pat (or his creator, Matthew Quick). Just who, I'm not really sure. Seriously, if Google or Wikipedia can't give me the answer, is it really worth knowing? But getting back to the point, this may just be one of the wisest expressions I've ever heard.

The Google search did help me narrow down the full quote:

“Sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. We don't need a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart who listens.” - See more at: http://familyshare.com/it-is-better-to-be-kind-than-right#sthash.re00giRQ.dpuf

Sometimes its better to be kind than right. We don't need a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart who listens.

But here's what I've recently been noticing. It's really easy to insist we're right. It's not so easy (or common) to be kind. How many of us wave the car across from us into the parking spot we were waiting for? Or let the lady behind us in line at the grocery store with two young children go first? Or stayed late at work to help a colleague or finish an important project, even though you were off the clock? I admit it...I really like to be right. But I really want to be kind. So I started paying attention to instances of both, and I saw some really interesting things. 

On a recent episode of the television show Shark Tank (yeah, yeah, I've seen a few episodes), I watched an extraordinary measure of kindness. A simple Florida farmer asked for funds to continue making a product that keeps trees moist, much needed by Florida tree growers. His only goal was to continue following the example set by his father and helping others save their farms, only charging enough money to make $1 off each item (no, there are no zeros after that 1, it's seriously $1). After being told by one shark that he couldn't make enough money with that kind of business plan, guest shark John Paul DeJoria, co-founder of Paul Mitchell hair products, gave him everything he asked for. He told him he admired his work and desire to be good to his fellow farmers, and while he didn't say so, he clearly was supporting kindness over making money. Just a few days later, I watched my first and last episode of Extreme Cheapskates (hey, there was nothing else on). I watched someone explain that he didn't want to have to pay a water bill, so he went to the laundry mat. Oh, not to do his laundry for only a couple of dollars, but to ask people to let him put his laundry in with theirs. Is that right? Well, a few people were kind enough to say "yes." I also saw a lady paint her baby's nursery by going from paint store to paint store asking for free samples (which normally were $3). But she didn't think she should have to pay for them. I'm pretty sure that's not right. But, again, people were kind.
 
One library I worked at subscribed to the view that we believe what our customers tell us, so if they owed fines or lost material charges, and they explained that they didn't (for whatever reason), staff is empowered to waive the charges if they see fit. So the organization acknowledged and accepted that, sometimes, we were right and the customer owed us, but under certain circumstances, it was okay to chose to be kind instead. Were we taken advantage of? Were there times when we were right and the customer was wrong and they were not made to take responsibility? Yes, indeed. But it can be rather freeing to know you can decide to be kind instead of right. Sometimes.

I now drive to work through a downtown area in which it seems there are more lights and crosswalks than there are people. This tends to result in irritable drivers. At least for this driver. The other day, I watched someone start to cross the street, not at a crosswalk, and not with a light. Fortunately for her, the person in the car in front of me was paying attention. Just as the pedestrian noticed a car coming and started to turn back, the car stopped, and the driver waved the pedestrian on. Could he have kept driving, probably in a hurry from all those lights, and made the pedestrian wait? Yes, the pedestrian saw him in time. Should he have had to stop when someone was trying to cross the street without a crosswalk and any kind of light? I don't think so. But he did. He was just a nice guy doing the kind thing. 

There are bigger examples, too. People are starting to donate to relief efforts in the Philippines. Maybe even the same people who donated after Hurricane Katrina or the earthquake in Haiti. They certainly don't have to. They earned their money, and no one's going to make them give it away (except, perhaps, the Tax Man). But sometimes, we do choose to be kind to one another. Let's don't get into a discussion of Obamacare, but I would like to point out that it is another huge example of an attempt at kindness. The government may or may not owe its citizens health care--remember, I promised we weren't going to discuss this--but it's trying awfully hard to offer a human kindness.

I was at dinner with a group recently, and, bless her heart, that waitress was having a bad night. Dinner was delayed. And delayed some more. The waitress apologize several times, yet, still no dinner. Would we have been within our rights to complain? Ask for the owner? Tip badly? Probably. Did we? No. It felt a lot better to say "no problem" and laugh at how busy it was. We could have made her night even worse than it was, and instead, maybe we made it a little easier.

This philosophy seems to be the foundation for good customer service. Every day, customers ask for things that are against established rules and policies. I know it's past 30 days, but can't I return this anyway? I know I was overdrawn, but look, here's a check, can't you refund the fee you charged? I know your chef did all the same work to make this dish, but it turns out not to be what I wanted, can't you make me something else and not charge me for it? In the interest of making the customer happy, people make exceptions every day, setting aside rules, even though they're technically in the right, and just doing what's being asked. The Bible says not to turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Seems like it's pretty much saying to be kind rather than right. 

As the second half of this quote indicates, sometimes, it's a matter of just shutting up (maybe that's why I've had trouble with this in the past). It doesn't matter how smart you are, or whether or not you're correct. It might just be more important to listen and hear what someone else needs. Being kind is about letting someone else be right.

This all makes it sound like it's easy. It's not. Or maybe that's just me. It's hard to give in or give up, at least, if you're going to view it as giving in or giving up (maybe it starts by not viewing it that way). And I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for what's owed to you. If you don't stand up for your rights, well, who will? But here's what's really great about being kind. Sometimes, being kind IS the right thing.
 
 

Snip and Tuck

"I thought they said tutored!"

This is the phrase my friend Vicki uses when she imagines what a cat is thinking after waking up to discover he's been neutered. It's as good a guess as any. It's not likely to be something like "Oh, thank God!" or "It's about time!" Yet, getting spayed or neutered is probably one of the best thing to happen in a cat's life.  

I recently began volunteering with a group called Operation Catnip that neuters and vaccinates feral and occasionally friendly stray cats. These cats are nobody's pets. They arrive at the vet school in the humane traps in which they were captured and probably will be released again in the same location. This is a Trap Neuter and Release program, considered part of a "no-kill" philosophy, in which the main object is to reduce the number of cats out there reproducing at an unbelievable rate. Now, believe it or not, TNR programs are somewhat controversial--we'll come back to that in a minute. For right now, let's focus on the part where there are incredibly generous people out there who serve as "colony caretakers," doing their best to make sure colonies of feral cats have enough food and are as safe as possible. That being a hard job, they'd like to do it for as few feral cats as possible, so trapping these guys and getting them neutered so that there will be no little ones to continue the tradition is an important part of the job. Through a combination of veterinarians, vet students, and volunteers all donating their time, feral cats are quickly being neutered and the feral cat population is being reduced.

But let me back up a moment. The last thing I need at the moment is any more cats--the one I've got is quite happy being the only princess in the house--so what in the world am I doing with these people? And their cats? Wanting to find a way to get involved in my new city, I began exploring groups with which I might be able to volunteer. Since I've got experience working with cats and know more than the average person about kitty health and medicine, it seemed logical to find a cat rescue organization of some kind with which to spend my time. Also, I just like cats. Since the last time I worked with a cat rescue work I ended up with five cats living at my house and refusing to leave ("Oh, we're just way too comfortable here," I could practically hear them say), I chose Operation Catnip as the group offering minimal opportunities to bring a new cat home. Feral cats, by definition, are essentially wild, and more importantly, have no interest in sitting in my lap while we read or watch a movie together. Working with Operation Catnip is the perfect solution and is Sasha approved.

So exactly what am I doing with them? It's sure not feeding a feral colony. I'm pretty sure they don't have a key card to get into my gated community. And it's not transporting. Please. I just got away from driving a minimum of 68 miles every day just to get to work. Do you really think I'm going to offer to play James the Chauffeur to some cats I don't even know? Instead, I'm volunteering at the monthly clinic at which many of the neuters take place (some take place during the course of the month depending on availability of vets and vet students). Hundreds of cats are brought to the vet school on a Sunday morning to be snipped and tucked, vaccinated, and have their ear tipped (it indicates to others down the road that the cat has already been neutered so it doesn't have to go through the stress of being trapped again). They are picked up by their caretakers (or, at least, someone who was willing to trap them long enough to be neutered) in the afternoon and returned to their colonies. It is hoped that they will live out their lives safely and without any more contributions to the overpopulation problem.

Perhaps you're confused at the reference to Sunday mornings. Anyone who knows me knows that they will not find me anywhere but under the covers on a Sunday morning. No, I seem to be settling into an afternoon schedule, primarily monitoring cats completing surgery to ensure they're coming out from under the anesthesia without a problem. It's rare, but occasionally someone has a bad reaction, so it's important to watch these guys as they recover so that they really do leave better off than when they came in. It's interesting to see the different reactions. Kittens, who you might think would return to their normal personalities fastest, what with being young, healthy, and generally quite busy, often take the longest to wake up. Their little lungs can't handle the anesthesia as well, so they stay groggy longer. Some cats will wake up so confused and disoriented that they actually hurt themselves thrashing around the trap (which they're returned immediately after surgery, before they've even woken). Then there are tummy troubles and respiratory issues that can pop up. All this is why volunteer monitors are needed. Having us watch the kitties wake and become alert allows the vet students and veterinarians to focus on the surgeries and any true issues that come up. Today, I began singing to the group I was monitoring (one tabby was WAY too interested in this), and a passing vet student commented "You know, that's probably the kindest thing anyone's ever going to do for these guys." I disagree. Getting them neutered surpasses my soggy soprano by far. But I leave knowing I've contributed to an effort to keep any more cats coming into the world who are likely to experience pain and suffering in a difficult and sometimes destructive life.

Not everyone feels this way about TNR programs. Opponents of such programs believe that it supports the lifespan of the feral colonies that are responsible for the deaths of many native species from birds to mammals and reptiles and other indigenous wildlife. They believe it does not really solve the problem and that it can in fact encourage illegal dumping of unwanted cats in areas known to be monitored by caretakers. Let me stop here and say I am no expert on this subject. There's some really great stuff on the internet about TNR programs, and I hope you'll take some time to at least read the Wikipedia article about it and form your own opinion. But I've seen too many cats in need of homes and heard too many stories about cats being euthanized simply for existing not to advocate for this kind of program. May I tell you why? The thing is, opponents are not wrong in their concern about wildlife and destruction caused by feral cats. However, it seems to me that the best way to resolve this problem is to reduce the number of feral cats. TNR programs certainly are not the only way to do this. Should you care to, you can read a lot about relocation efforts (moving colonies to places where they are less detrimental) and even deliberate eradication (which is exactly what it sounds like). But studies are showing that these methods are not nearly as effective at reducing the feral cat population as TNR programs. Move a colony somewhere else (we won't even discuss eradication), and you've taken away its knowledge of food sources, safe havens, and security, very possibly bringing on a difficult and painful death.
The problems feral and stray cats cause will not go away until their population does, and TNR makes that happen in a safe, effective, and humane way.

In my ideal world, there would be SO many fewer cats, particularly those forced to fend on their own, living uncomfortable lives and causing destruction to other animal lives. Instead, it would be rare to find cats living on their own in the wild. People will adopt from a shelter. Shelters will all be "no-kill" because they will not have to euthanize for lack of space. Owners will ensure their animals are spayed and neutered so that there will be no unexpected surprises and little lives about which to make difficult choices. Oh, and as a slight aside, we will not de-claw them and take away their main defense if they ever ARE forced to take care of themselves. We domesticated these animals. We must now take responsibility for ensuring they are safe and cared for...and that there aren't more of them than we can do that for.

Technology: Friend or Foe?

It seems to be quite de rigueur to frown upon those who spend a great deal of time with technology. Studies indicate that "screen time" is bad for us. Considering how many screens we use on a daily basis, this should probably have me concerned. Computers, phones, iPods and MP3 players, games, video conversations, webinars, television and movies, and general online access to tasks formerly accomplished in other ways make it seem as though it would be impossible to avoid screen time to some extent.Statistics indicate that few of us are without televisions, phones, computers, or Netflix subscriptions. Two years ago, a major study indicated that 76% of all people in the US had a computer. But multiple sources are encouraging us to turn away from our devices. Go outside, get some fresh air. Exercise. Read (these sources seemingly having forgotten that much online work IS reading). Walk a dog (no one has indicated that it necessarily has to be your own dog). 

It's hard to imagine putting away my phone, computer, TV, or iPod, though I've done it before. Right now, these are my lifeline. I'm in a new city, geographically separated from those with whom I'm used to communicating on a regular basis. Having these devices at my fingertips has made the transition so much easier. Twenty or thirty years ago, when you moved away, you had to rely on letters and phone calls (and expensive ones, at that) to keep in touch. You had to change your bank accounts. You had to have a newspaper mailed if you wanted to keep up with news of your former home. You had to become familiar with new local television shows and radio stations. Drive around with a torn paper map and hope you remembered how to get to the grocery store. Have pictures of your new surroundings and activities printed and mailed. 

My technology has changed all those things completely. I not only can talk with friends and family as much as I want without much cost, I can see them in their pajamas on my computer screen while we chat. I'm emailing with friends so much that the distance between us seems minimal. I didn't have to make difficult decisions about what music to bring with me, because almost all my music is on my cute little pink iPod, and I can rock out to the same tunes I always have. I didn't have to change credit unions because I can do almost all my banking online, and so paying bills will continue to work the same way. (Oh, joy.) The navigation system on my phone has gotten me anywhere I wanted to go in my new city (turns out, I didn't need it to help me find Target...I have a personal radar for that). My Netflix subscription is easily portable, so I can continue my obsession with The Good Wife with nary an interruption. And, thanks to my parents, I now have a larger TV on which to watch it.  So the idea of not checking in on my computer, turning on the TV, or recharging my phone seem a little impossible at the moment.

I've rolled my eyes a bit when I hear people say things like "he's always on his computer." What does that mean? I don't understand.  Since you can do an incredibly number of things on your computer,  I can't see how that says much. I could be paying bills, watching a movie, emailing a friend, working from home, buying my hair conditioner at Amazon, clipping coupons for an upcoming trip to the grocery store, or making reservations. If I'm on my phone, I might be talking to someone, but I might be getting directions, checking the movie theater schedule, updating my calendar, taking or posting pictures, tracking calorie or exercise intake (okay, unlikely, but possible), or getting a weather report. I use my computer and phone to keep any variety of accounts up to date, get information before calling or visiting somewhere, and just take care of personal business. I've used my Netflix subscription for everything from movies and TV shows to documentaries about Antarctica and fitness program videos. I finished listening to the same audio books I began back in Chapel Hill. It seems a little unfair to view all of these as mindless entertainment.

That said, as comforting as I'm finding technology at the moment, I'll acknowledge that variety in life is not a bad thing. When some statistic or report indicates that you shouldn't spend all your time in front of a screen, well, isn't it true that you shouldn't spend all your time doing pretty much anything? Reading can be both entertainment and a learning tool, and you'll never find me not reading something, but should I spend ALL my time in front of a book (in any format?). Not that I haven't tried. Regular exercise is vital, but should you spend eight hours per day at the gym? Marriage is a special institution involving commitment to a single person, but does that mean you should never spend time alone or with other people? I love my cat, and probably vice versa, but if I stay home too long, I can practically hear her ask if I don't have somewhere else to be. Travel offers opportunities for developing new understandings of the world and other cultures, but it sure does feel good to go home, doesn't it? (In fairness, that might just be me.) Should you spend every weekend in front of a ball game? Or at the beach? Or with your grandmother? Or working on your house? Or in front of the computer? Some balance is in order here.

Twice, I've shut off my TV for a month, partially just to prove I could do it, but also to demonstrate that there were other things I enjoy doing. I'm in a new place, a perfect chance to start some new habits. I don't think I'll be turning off the TV, computer, or phone anytime soon. I'm extremely grateful to have these for keeping friends and family close and for making the transition from the familiar to the not-so-familiar a little easier. And I'm okay with some heavy technology use for a while. The trick will be to turn to other things as well. My new city has lots of activities and experiences to offer. I might see an ad about these offerings on TV. I can learn more about it on my computer. And my phone will help get me to it. 

There's No Place Like Home

When someone asks me where home is, referring to where I grew up, I often joke that I'm homeless, having been an Army brat with frequent moves throughout my childhood. But as I write tonight, I may be closer to not having a home than ever before (my mortgage holder would vehemently disagree with this, as it is firmly expecting to be paid on the first of the month). Before I go on to explain this, I want to take a moment to clarify that I'm totally speaking with tongue in cheek here, and my clever introduction should not in any way be taken to diminish the difficult plight of those who truly are homeless.

Today I drove away from the home I bought almost thirteen years ago (again, my mortgage holder should not panic; the check is in the mail, and someone else is moving in right behind me). I love that house. Oh, there are times when I hated being a homeowner, but overall, I love that house. Maybe it has something to do with the memories that are now associated with it. It was my first house, a huge turning point in my life. All five of the cats who have owned me have lived there, and I'll never forget the first night they came into their new home and began to explore. It's the house in which I stayed up all night waiting to see if I'd gotten a job as collection development librarian, work to which I've become incredibly attached. This is where all kinds of conversations with special friends have happened. I've never been known as an outdoor person, but this is the yard in which my mom taught me how to take care of some basic plants and learn a little something about landscaping (some of it actually took). My dad taught me the wonders a garage has to offer when, after living in my house for 6 or 7 years, he arranged for me to get a garage door opener that really worked, allowing me to park in the garage and stop scraping my windows for the first time in, well, ever. This is the house in which I hosted several borders who have become wonderful friends. Where my mom and I returned after an amazing trip to Iceland. Where I baked my first loaves of bread. Where I went to at the end of the day to recharge. Aren't these the things that make a home?

But tonight, most of my possessions are on a truck, someone else is moving into my house, and I'm on the road as I make my way to my new apartment in Gainesville, Florida. My lease does not start until tomorrow. Does that make me homeless? Sasha's with me, so if she's part of what makes a home, maybe home is portable. When I move into my new apartment tomorrow, will it automatically become home? My parents will be there to help me settle. It will soon contain my possessions, my cat, and my return address. And a really awesome screened in porch. It will be the place to which I will return each evening. Surely those are the things that makes it home. Or does it? It won't contain any memories for me, good or bad. Yet. But it IS the place where the start of a new job and new goals will begin. Does that make it home?

It occurs to me that one of the biggest changes happening has to do not with the actual building in which I'm living but the location of that building. The Raleigh area is a great place to live, and I've thoroughly enjoyed my time there. So much so that I feel like an NC native, even if only by adoption. Not only do I have favorite restaurants and stores, but I have long time service professionals in my dentist, veterinarian, hairdresser, and doctor. Plus they know me and my favorite sandwich at Quiznos. Does having a history in a certain vicinity make it home? Maybe the Cheers folks had it right. We all want to be somewhere where everybody knows your name. Okay, so it will take a while, but new histories begin all the time, so if having a history in a certain place makes it home, then it's just a matter of time before a new location becomes home, right?

When does something move from being a place where you live to a home? I know people in their forties, fifties, and sixties who still call the place they grew up home, regardless of how long it's been since they've actually lived there. Did they decide not to create a new home, or does that mean that home can't change once it's established? Maybe home isn't even a place, but rather, a social structure of some kind. For some, home refers to the place where they find their family.  Until recently, the place we called home usually referred to some kind of limited geographic region. But in the past several years, communication options have changed enormously, and it's possible to talk to friends and family quickly and easily, even with video, anytime.  Is home where your friends and family are? Am I getting closer to home because I'm moving physically closer to my parents, even though I've never lived in their current house? Can I take home with me because I can continue the relationships that were so much a part of my life in my last home?

I don't have a definition for home yet, and maybe I won't find one. Meanwhile, I'm going to choose to make home be flexible enough (and I'm nothing if not flexible) to encompass not just the place to which I return each evening but the people to whom I turn each day.  No matter where they are. I'd love to hear other definitions!

Dirty Words

Lake Superior State University in Michigan recently released its 38th annual List of Words to be Banished from the Queen's English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness. Now, I'm not saying I talk like an English professor or nothin', but I've long thought it time to banish some words from polite conversation. Some of them used to be perfectly lovely words, but their overuse and misuse by the general public has gotten to the point they need to be banned from the English language. Below is my own list of words that need to go (and I'm sharing my list with you before I even look at LSSU's list). Let's review.

1. Literally--This has literally become the most irritating word I have literally ever heard. Literally.

2. Irregardless--Okay, you do know this is not really a word, right? Unless you're referring to the (no doubt fabulous) restaurant here in Raleigh, don't use it. The word is "regardless." But you knew that.

3. Like--This is a case of needing to say what you mean. I can't stand to hear someone say "And I was like, ...." You're not, like, anything. You said something. You thought something. You did something. You're not like anything.

4. I could care less--I couldn't care less if you keep using this phrase in correctly, but if you think about it long enough, you might realize you're saying the opposite of what you intend.

5. My bad--Your bad what? I need more information.

6. Basically--Ironically, this term that should mean you're breaking something down into its simplest parts seems to lead to long, drawn out explanations. Don't mislead me. Just jump into it.

7. Sick--This is the appropriate term if you're describing someone not feeling well or something that isn't working right. Using this term to describe something you're actually trying to convey is really good, exciting, fabulous, or otherwise wonderful is, well, sick.

8. Epic--Really, you can't be more original than thata?

9. It is what it is--Well, of course it is what it is. What else would it be? Why are you telling me something I already know? This isn't illuminating at all.

10. Deets--The word "details" is only two syllables and really should not require much in the way of abbreviation. Besides, it sounds like the name of a robot. 

Honorable Mentions:
fiscal cliff, trending, and occupy 

So I'm not trendy. Sue me. Now, what word of phrase do you think is overused?

The Real Estate Market Goes Up and Down, Up and Down, Up and Down...

Although to varying degrees across the country, in general, the real estate market has not done well over the past few years. Suze Orman has been saying that 2012 would be "rock bottom," the worst we've seen in a while, but that things should begin improving after that. As in, now. The Commerce department recently said that new, single-family home sales rose 4.4% in November 2012. That's the best it's been in 2 and 1/2 years. Prices seem to be moving fastest out west. 

Unfortunately for me, I don't live out west. So I'm anxiously watching for news that the real estate market is improving, especially in my area. I don't think the Raleigh area was hit as hard as some other places in the country, but I've watched homes in my neighborhood take forever to sell, and then not at nearly the price it would have gotten several years ago. However, in 2011, home values in Raleigh and Cary appreciated about 7% more than the previous year. The number of active home lists has dropped 12% from last month, which I personally take to be a good sign. Less supply, better demand. I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to go.

And that's what I'm counting on. I'm making tentative plans to sell my house in the Spring, probably in May. Five or six years ago, my house would have sold for more than it probably will now, or even this Spring. But I've been getting ready for a while, and the house is probably about as good as it's going to get. The list of projects from the past year or two is a long one: new hardwood floors, new countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, new bathroom and kitchen faucets and lights, refinishing the back deck, new energy-efficient windows,  and a fresh paint job throughout the house. Other than a few small things that I'll work to get done in April (and if you know me at all, you know that means "hire someone to get done"), we're ready to go. Unless something happens to change things, the plan right now is to interview real estate agents in April and do whatever they recommend still needs doing around the house (I don't really need to repeat that that means hire someone, do I?), and then list the house for sale in May. I'll cross my fingers that it sells relatively quickly, at which time I'll rent in Raleigh (close to work) for a while until I decide what I want in a new home. This will likely be a condo with a fantastic homeowner's association that allows at least outdoor maintenance to be a thing of the past. Or, it would be, if I actually did any.

I've always watched the house sales in my neighborhood, but I've kept an especially close eye on them of late. The house next door to me, which had been most recently owned by a real-estate agent who had been renting it out but had decided to sell, sold within three months. Woo hoo! Good news for Tracy. A house around the corner has been listed as a short sale, and six months later, does not appear to have gotten any interest, despite a ridiculously low price. Not such good news for Tracy. There are two neighborhoods up the street that developers started building about six or seven years ago then came to a screeching halt as the economy went bad. Both have started building again, though selling at lower prices than originally advertised. I used to read palms, but I cannot read crystal balls, so any prediction I might make would be a guess. I am hopeful that things are starting to improve, and even though I might not get as much as I might have at one point, I'll get a decent price for my house in a reasonable amount of time.

I watch way too much House Hunters, so I have a lot of ideas about how this should go. A friend has already given me a sugar cookie scented candle perfect for enticing buyers into my house. I'm clearing out anything that could be termed clutter, unless, of course, it's something I might need later and couldn't possibly replace. I'm rearranging some pieces of furniture to show off the house's best features. I've been in this house for almost thirteen years, and it's a little uncomfortable to think about leaving it, but it's time. 

Do you happen to know a real estate agent?